panic attack

i often think about the future rendering potential bleak as sunlight underground nothing on the horizon nothing waiting to explode. implode. some corner of self destruct written on the button i press down that screams life so loud i plug my ears and beg for snow the silence that unfolds like blankets smothering the hills and elephants white like noise that never happens. sudden realisations of little to do but wait for night to take over and hope hoping for something something to change already and let me fly like i wanted to in my dream that night before they pinned me down and made me scream silent whispers between my ears and nothing nothing on the surface but tiny ripples under that sun. like on acid sometimes and then i see stars.