i'm just killing time until i die.
all of this is a ruse.
use me/ i'll use you too--
in fact, let's all use each other until
we're all used up and nobody has anything left to give.
the menial doodles that take up this life/
words working side jobs to pay for the night.
{none of us has money--
but poor is cool these days,
it means you don't give a fuck.}
i'm hallucinating a stereotype.
it moves slowly past my arm on the edge of the precipice i call my desk--
nothing gets done here.
just shadows pretending to be shadows,
following a darkness of thought that moves freely around the abyss.
25.11.09
22.11.09
16.11.09
it lingers behind you, round clouded corners, brandishing your dreams...carrying the weight of your worries and following your shadow through the day..
you pretend it isn't there, isn't following you from dusk, but you know it won't leave anytime soon. and even as you deny its presence, and ignore its attempts to grasp your attention, you tingle when it's near; you know that eventually, you'll have to give in.
you hold out for weeks and months, you think even perhaps a year... but no, love's sneaky like that. it jumps you when you think you're done and turns you on your head.
you pretend it isn't there, isn't following you from dusk, but you know it won't leave anytime soon. and even as you deny its presence, and ignore its attempts to grasp your attention, you tingle when it's near; you know that eventually, you'll have to give in.
you hold out for weeks and months, you think even perhaps a year... but no, love's sneaky like that. it jumps you when you think you're done and turns you on your head.
8.11.09
scars...
little lessons to carry with and remind you along the way...
...like the new, purple-ish one i earned on my leg (about the size of a dime) from hot oil last week. reminding me not to drop things into the pan, but rather to place them gently. or like the small shiny one on my left knee cap that tells me, still, that practicing long jump in a gravel courtyard is a risky endeavor... and the faint blip on my eyelid that taught me that ex racehorses don't get reprimanded like the rest--because they will react quickly and knock you out with their nose bone somewhere in to a tree... and lastly, one deep one nestled in my eyebrow, reminding me not to try climbing up japanese innertubing waterslides (i'm sure other ones are okay), because japanese hospitals are scary, so disinfected.. and because it hurt.. there are other scars, too, but these ones i will never forget..
...like the new, purple-ish one i earned on my leg (about the size of a dime) from hot oil last week. reminding me not to drop things into the pan, but rather to place them gently. or like the small shiny one on my left knee cap that tells me, still, that practicing long jump in a gravel courtyard is a risky endeavor... and the faint blip on my eyelid that taught me that ex racehorses don't get reprimanded like the rest--because they will react quickly and knock you out with their nose bone somewhere in to a tree... and lastly, one deep one nestled in my eyebrow, reminding me not to try climbing up japanese innertubing waterslides (i'm sure other ones are okay), because japanese hospitals are scary, so disinfected.. and because it hurt.. there are other scars, too, but these ones i will never forget..
3.11.09
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